I Want to Trust You but I Don’t: Healing from Broken Trust, Fear, and Doubt
Lysa TerKeurst’s book I Want to Trust You but I Don’t dives deep into the complexities of trust—how it’s broken, how it can be rebuilt, and how faith plays a role in healing from betrayal. Lysa TerKeurst tackles one of the most universal yet often unspoken struggles—the crisis of trust. Whether it’s broken trust in a relationship, fear of betrayal, uncertainty about divine plans, or doubt in our own judgment, this book offers both biblical insight and practical wisdom for navigating the emotional terrain of distrust.
Lysa TerKeurst, a New York Times bestselling author and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, is no stranger to pain and betrayal. Drawing from her own experiences with heartbreak, divorce, and spiritual disillusionment, she crafts a compassionate roadmap for readers who feel stuck in cycles of suspicion, anxiety, and self-doubt.
This blog post serves as summary and review of the book, diving into its ten key chapters, exploring the core messages, and unpacking how each chapter contributes to the overarching theme of restoring trust in God, others, and yourself.
Chapter 1: “When You Can’t Trust Yourself”
TerKeurst opens the book by addressing perhaps the most painful form of distrust—distrust of oneself. She shares her internal struggle after experiencing betrayal, where even her own instincts felt unreliable. This chapter sets the tone for the entire book by acknowledging that sometimes we don’t know what to believe anymore—not about others, not about God, and not even about ourselves.
Key Message :
You are not alone in your doubt. The journey begins when you recognize your inner turmoil and invite God into it.
Teaching Insight :
Self-trust is rebuilt through surrender. We must stop trying to fix everything on our own and allow God to guide us through confusion.
Chapter 2: “Why Didn’t You Stop It, God?”
This chapter delves into the raw emotion of questioning God’s silence during times of pain. Lysa wrestles with the age-old question: If God is good, why does He allow suffering? She doesn’t offer easy answers but instead encourages readers to bring their doubts and anger to God without shame.
Key Message :
God can handle your questions, your anger, and your disappointment. Honesty with Him is the first step toward healing.
Teaching Insight :
Sometimes God allows pain not because He’s absent, but because He wants to reveal His presence in deeper ways. Trust grows not in absence of pain, but through it.
Chapter 3: “What If I’m Wrong About Everything?”
Here, TerKeurst explores the paralyzing fear of being wrong—wrong about people, wrong about God, and even wrong about herself. She shares moments of spiritual confusion and how it led to isolation and despair.
Key Message :
Doubt doesn’t disqualify you from faith—it refines it. Wrestling with doubt is part of growing closer to God.
Teaching Insight :
Faith isn’t the absence of doubt; it’s choosing to follow Jesus despite the doubt. Clarity comes through commitment, not perfect understanding.
Chapter 4: “The Danger of the ‘What If’ Game”
This chapter addresses the destructive cycle of imagining worst-case scenarios. Lysa calls out the mental habit of playing the “what if” game—projecting fears onto future events and relationships, which only breeds more distrust.
Key Message :
Imagined fears often hurt more than real ones. Letting go of speculative worry is essential for emotional freedom.
Teaching Insight :
We can’t control the future, but we can choose how we respond to today. Replace “what if” with “what is”—focus on present truth, not future fear.
Chapter 5: “How Do I Know Who to Trust?”
TerKeurst shifts focus to interpersonal trust, especially after being hurt by someone close. She discusses how betrayal affects our ability to trust others again and offers guidance on recognizing trustworthy people.
Key Message :
Healthy trust requires discernment, not just optimism. Not everyone deserves immediate trust, but everyone deserves grace.
Teaching Insight :
Trust should be earned over time, not given blindly. God gives us discernment to protect our hearts while still remaining open to love.
Chapter 6: “Is My Heart Too Hard to Soften Again?”
This chapter confronts the numbness that often follows deep betrayal. Lysa admits to feeling hardened and afraid to love again. She acknowledges the protective nature of emotional walls but also the cost of keeping them up.
Key Message :
Healing begins when we let God soften our hearts—even if it feels risky. Vulnerability is the gateway to intimacy.
Teaching Insight :
God doesn’t ask us to remove our armor immediately. He gently works within us to restore our capacity to love and trust again.
Chapter 7: “Why Did You Let Me Believe That?”
Here, TerKeurst reflects on false beliefs—things she once believed about herself, others, and God that turned out to be lies. She emphasizes the importance of testing our beliefs against Scripture.
Key Message :
Our past hurts can shape false narratives. Renewing our minds with truth helps us break free from deception.
Teaching Insight :
False beliefs distort reality. By replacing them with God’s Word, we begin to see ourselves and others through His eyes.
Chapter 8: “Can I Still Be Trusted?”
After experiencing betrayal, many wonder if they’ve lost credibility or integrity. Lysa shares her journey of rebuilding her sense of worth and reliability, both spiritually and relationally.
Key Message :
Your past mistakes or betrayals don’t define your future. God restores broken things and makes them new.
Teaching Insight :
Redemption is possible. Even when you feel disqualified, God sees potential in your brokenness.
Chapter 9: “What If I Never Fully Heal?”
In this vulnerable chapter, Lysa admits that healing is not always linear. Some wounds leave scars, and that’s okay. She reassures readers that God uses every part of our story, including our unresolved pain.
Key Message :
Healing doesn’t require perfection. God can use your scars to comfort and guide others.
Teaching Insight :
Wholeness is not the same as healing. Sometimes God gives strength to carry pain rather than remove it entirely.
Chapter 10: “Choosing to Live with Open Hands”
The final chapter offers a powerful conclusion: living with open hands before God. Lysa invites readers to release their grip on control, expectations, and need for certainty, and instead trust God with all the unknowns.
Key Message :
True freedom comes when we surrender outcomes to God and live with open hands—receiving His grace and giving Him our trust.
Teaching Insight :
Open-handed living means trusting God even when you don’t understand. It’s the ultimate act of faith.
Overall Themes and Takeaways
Throughout “I Want to Trust You but I Don’t”, several themes emerge:
- Honesty with God and Self : TerKeurst encourages readers to bring their doubts, anger, and confusion to God without pretense.
- Restoration Through Relationship : Healing comes not through isolation, but through connection—with God and with others who walk alongside us.
- Discernment Over Blind Trust : Healthy relationships require boundaries and wise discernment, not naivety.
- Grace for the Journey : Healing is not instant. It’s messy, slow, and often nonlinear—but God is faithful through every step.
- Hope Beyond Hurt : No matter how deep the wound, God is able to redeem and restore.
Who Should Read This Book?
This book is ideal for anyone who has experienced:
- Betrayal or broken trust in relationships
- Spiritual disillusionment or questioning of faith
- Anxiety about the future or fear of being wrong
- Difficulty trusting their own judgment or decisions
- Emotional numbness after trauma or loss
It’s particularly helpful for those who feel stuck between wanting to trust and being afraid to do so.
Why This Book Stands Out
Unlike many Christian self-help books that offer quick fixes or shallow affirmations, TerKeurst’s writing is refreshingly honest and grounded in Scripture. She doesn’t shy away from difficult emotions or complex theological questions. Instead, she walks readers through the process of lament, reflection, and renewal.
Her vulnerability creates a safe space for readers to examine their own hearts without judgment. Each chapter includes prayer prompts and reflection questions, making it suitable for both individual study and group discussion.
Final Thoughts: A Must-Read for Anyone Struggling with Trust
“I Want to Trust You but I Don’t” is more than a book—it’s a companion for the weary soul. Lysa TerKeurst writes with empathy, wisdom, and courage, guiding readers from a place of fear and doubt into hope and healing.
Whether you’re dealing with betrayal, spiritual confusion, or simply the lingering effects of past pain, this book will remind you that you are not alone. More importantly, it will help you rediscover the One who never fails—Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith.
Conclusion
Lysa TerKeurst’s “I Want to Trust You but I Don’t” is a powerful blend of personal storytelling, biblical truth, and practical application. It meets readers right where they are—in the messiness of doubt, fear, and broken trust—and leads them gently toward healing and restoration.
By walking through each chapter with intentionality and compassion, TerKeurst reminds us that trust is not something we force—it’s something we grow into through grace, truth, and the transforming power of God’s love.
If you’re ready to move forward from skepticism, fear, and self-doubt, this book might just be the encouragement and guidance you’ve been looking for.
FAQs
- Is this book only for Christians?
While it’s rooted in biblical truth, anyone dealing with trust issues will find wisdom and comfort in this book. - Can this book help with marriage trust issues?
Absolutely. Lysa draws from personal heartbreak, making it very relevant for marriages struggling with betrayal. - Is it a devotional or a regular book?
It’s a regular book with deep spiritual insight—but not a devotional. - What if I’ve been hurt by church leaders?
Lysa addresses spiritual betrayal directly and gently walks you through healing that pain. - How long does it take to read?
Depending on your pace, you can read it in a few sittings, but many readers find themselves returning to it often for comfort and wisdom.
