The relentless pace of modern life has made busyness, overwhelm, and burnout global epidemics. We live in a society that often equates our worth with our productivity, leaving us feeling perpetually stressed, disconnected, and exhausted. But what if the answer isn’t to fight busyness, but to learn how to be with it?
In their profound and deeply practical book, Being with Busyness: Zen Ways to Transform Overwhelm and Burnout, Zen Buddhist monk Brother Phap Huu and journalist/coach Jo Confino offer a gentle, accessible, and transformative path rooted in the teachings of the late Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. This book is a much-needed respite, a hand guiding you back to the “island within” where calm resides, even amidst the storms of a hectic life. It’s a call to shift from a mindset of frantic doing to one of mindful being.
Part 1: Understanding the Modern Disease of Overwhelm and Burnout
The first half of the book delves into the nature of busyness, overwhelm, and burnout, helping the reader to understand that these aren’t just personal failings, but systemic issues fueled by cultural habits and internal conditioning.
The Ripple Effect of Busyness
Brother Phap Huu and Jo Confino start by exposing busyness as a pervasive cultural phenomenon—a ripple effect that touches every part of our lives and spreads to those around us. They challenge the idea that being busy is a badge of honor, revealing it instead as a form of suffering and a way we often run away from the deeper emptiness or discomfort within ourselves.
- The Addiction to Doing: The authors explain that we can become addicted to the rush of busyness. It serves as a distraction from difficult emotions, a shield against self-loathing, or a desperate attempt to achieve the impossible standard of perfectionism. This constant striving—trying to be a “perfect hero” who never rests—leads to a devastating “perfect storm” for overwhelm and burnout.
- The Island Within: A key teaching introduced early on is the concept of tending to your “island within.” This island represents your inner calm, stability, and peace. The teachings remind us that true peace isn’t dependent on the calmness of our surroundings; it is the calm we cultivate inside that we can bring to the chaos. Mindfulness is the practice that helps us return to and care for this inner refuge.
- Mindfulness as a Shift in Being: They expand the definition of mindfulness beyond formal meditation. Mindfulness is simply the quality of being present and alive in the current moment. Washing a plate? Just wash the plate. Not thinking about the next project. This commitment to the one thing we are doing is the antidote to the mind being “dispersed or carried away” by busyness.
Processing Suffering and Regaining Balance
The authors are candid that life, even in a monastic setting like Plum Village, involves suffering, setbacks, and moments of overwhelm. The Zen path is not about eliminating suffering, but about learning how to process it with grace and awareness.
- The Five Remembrances & Mortality: Contemplating our own mortality and the impermanence of all things—known in Buddhist tradition as the Five Remembrances—is offered as a powerful tool to gain perspective. When we truly understand the finite nature of our time, it becomes easier to discern what truly matters and to choose where we invest our precious energy, fundamentally undermining the drive toward non-stop busyness.
- The Old Technology of the Spirit: The practices of Zen are described as an “old technology”—free, simple, and ready to be used right now, right here. This spiritual dimension offers the profound relief of total relaxation, giving ourselves permission to simply be and to restore our vital energy.
- Understanding Capacity: A crucial step in regaining balance is being brutally honest about our capacity. We have to know and respect our own limits. When our generosity is gone, and we have nothing left to give, we need to stop and rebuild our inner resources. This self-care isn’t selfish; it’s the foundation for being able to genuinely serve and connect with others.
Part 2: Cultivating Healthy Boundaries and Compassionate Communication
The second major theme of the book focuses on the practical, relational tools needed to sustain a life of mindful balance: the art of setting healthy boundaries and practicing courageous communication.
The Art of Setting Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are presented not as walls built to isolate us, but as acts of profound self-compassion and clarity. They are necessary to prevent the emotional and energetic stress that leads to burnout.
- Boundaries as Compassion: The most surprising insight for many readers will be the reframing of boundaries as an act of deep compassion—both for ourselves and for others. By setting a clear boundary, we are protecting ourselves from harm, which in turn ensures we have the energy and stability to engage constructively with the world. A burnt-out helper is no help at all.
- Saying “No” as a Mantra: The authors encourage the courageous practice of saying “no.” In Zen, “no” becomes a mantra that helps us acknowledge our habits and our true state of mind. This relates directly to the principle of Right Diligence from the Noble Eightfold Path: mindfully choosing which “seeds” we water. By saying “no” to a new commitment, we are saying “yes” to nourishing our peace, health, and stability.
- The Warrior Energy Within: Setting a boundary requires both tenderness and strength. The authors speak of cultivating a “warrior energy”—not one of aggression, but one of clarity and firmness. This warrior is able to use understanding as a sword to cut through illusion, allowing us to ask: “How much kindness can I offer?” and “How stable am I right now?” Sometimes, simply stating a need for space is the most compassionate act.
- The Middle Way: The true skill lies in navigating the Middle Way, avoiding the extremes of either using kindness to hide our true feelings (which leads to festering resentment) or using aggression to shield ourselves (which damages relationships). The goal is to be the fulcrum—grounded and stable—as emotions and demands rise and fall around us.
Loving and Courageous Communication
How we speak to others and, crucially, how we listen, are central Zen practices that allow us to transform stressful situations in both work and personal relationships.
- Mindful Listening and Loving Speech: The book provides thoughtful advice on transforming conflict through mindful listening and loving speech. Mindful listening means being fully present to hear the other person without judgment or formulating a reply. Loving speech means speaking with awareness, ensuring our words are truthful, kind, and timely. These practices help to dissolve the stress that arises from miscommunication and conflict avoidance.
- Reciprocity and Generosity: The Zen tradition emphasizes the idea of reciprocity—when you are given something valuable, the natural desire is to give something valuable back. This spirit of generosity should also apply to ourselves. Recognizing the love and kindness we’ve received inspires us to live a good life, and a good life requires us to protect and nurture our own well-being first.
The Author’s Message: The Way Out Is In
Being with Busyness is a profound gift that strips away the cultural mythology surrounding frantic productivity. The core message that Brother Phap Huu and Jo Confino want to convey is encapsulated in the title itself: The path to freedom is not about getting rid of busyness, but about learning how to be with it.
They are explicitly saying that the answer to overwhelm is not an external fix—not a perfect time-management system, a new job, or a complete escape. The Way Out Is In.
The key takeaway message is one of profound agency and non-duality:
- Agency Within the System: While they acknowledge the systemic forces that push us toward busyness (consumerism, demanding work cultures), they stress that we always have agency. We can choose how we use our technology, and we can choose the practice we build around it. We are not powerless victims of our to-do lists.
- Imperfect, Compassionate Practice: The authors offer a compassionate antidote to self-loathing and perfectionism by reminding us of the insight of non-duality: suffering and happiness lean on each other, and imperfection and perfection are simply parts of life. The goal of mindfulness is not perfect stillness, but the ability to come back to our practice whenever we are dispersed or carried away. It’s an ongoing practice, not a destination.
The final message is a powerful permission slip to slow down, breathe, and return to ourselves. By cultivating simple Zen practices like mindful breathing, mindful walking, and total relaxation, we can become an island of calm—stable, grounded, and present—not just for ourselves, but for all those whose lives we touch. The book offers the transformative promise that even in the most hectic moments, we can choose presence, ease, and joy.
This book serves as a vital guide for anyone—from busy parents and corporate leaders to activists and artists—who yearns to break free from the cycle of overcommitment and rediscover the joy of being alive in the here and now. If the thought “I’m too busy to read this” crosses your mind, then this is precisely the book you need.
FAQs
Q1. Is this book only for people who practice mindfulness?
No. It’s written for anyone feeling overwhelmed or stuck in constant busyness.
Q2. Does the book share practical techniques?
Yes—breathing exercises, mindful walking, boundary-setting, and more.
Q3. Can beginners understand the Zen concepts?
Absolutely. The authors use simple, warm language perfect for beginners.
Q4. Is this book helpful for burnout recovery?
Yes. It explains burnout deeply and offers nurturing tools for healing.
Q5. What makes this book unique?
The blend of spiritual wisdom, relatable storytelling, and practical guidance makes it powerful and deeply calming.