Caring: Unlocking the Inner Dimensions of Care, Awareness, and Human Potential
“Caring (Understanding Self & Mind)” by Tarthang Tulku is a profound guide into the practice of caring—not only for others, but also for ourselves, our minds, and the very experience of being alive. Drawing on his decades of Buddhist teaching and deep psychological inquiry, Tulku offers compassionate reflections and practical exercises for transforming the way we relate to thought, emotion, and the world. This detailed summary and review explores all the book’s chapters, examines key teachings, and shows why its message about conscious caring is more urgent than ever.
About the Author: Tarthang Tulku
Tarthang Tulku is one of the most influential Tibetan Buddhist teachers to bring Nyingma wisdom to the West. Since the 1960s, he’s published over two dozen books and founded organizations such as Dharma Publishing and the Nyingma Institute. His writing blends traditional Buddhist insight with an accessible, practical voice aimed at both spiritual seekers and those searching for tools for everyday well-being. His “Understanding Self & Mind” series, which includes “Caring,” “Revelations of Mind,” and “Gesture of Balance,” explores the inner workings of mind and guides readers to skillfully use awareness to foster transformation and freedom.
Chapter-by-Chapter Review of “Caring (Understanding Self & Mind)”
While the book is written as an organic journey rather than a rigid chapter outline, it can be explored through its core sections or themes. These can be summarized as follows:
The Nature and Power of Caring
Tulku begins with a bold proposition: caring is the very foundation of human fulfillment and well-being. Modern society, he argues, often undervalues genuine caring, replacing it with busyness or superficial kindness. To care deeply means opening one’s heart, cultivating warmth, and allowing this attitude to permeate all actions—even ordinary activities or brief encounters. The book invites readers to look honestly at barriers to caring (such as cynicism, fear, or habit) and to see caring not as sentiment, but as active, conscious goodwill.
Key Points:
- Real caring transforms both the giver and the receiver.
- Superficiality, routine, and the demands of modern life can numb our sense of care.
- Caring is a choice, a daily practice, and a potential remedy for suffering at every level.
Understanding Self: A New Relationship with Mind
Tulku challenges the way we typically identify with our thoughts, feelings, and stories, proposing that real change begins with self-understanding. Instead of regarding the ‘self’ as a fixed or separate entity, the book guides readers to see self as an unfolding process—something shaped by habit and perception, yet open to revision through mindful awareness. This section dovetails with Buddhist psychology, yet avoids technical jargon, inviting everyone to question automatic patterns, fears, and expectations.
Key Points:
- Our sense of self is often constructed from habit, memory, and emotional reactions.
- Through meditation, self-inquiry, and gentle observation, we uncover new freedom.
- Old wounds and reactive patterns are softened by caring, conscious attention.
Deepening Mindfulness and Compassion
A major section of the book is dedicated to practices that develop mindfulness, compassion, and emotional resilience. Tulku uses practical tools—from breath-awareness to self-reflection and visualization—to teach that caring must begin at home, with our own minds. By caring for the ups and downs of emotion, the busyness of thought, and even physical tension, we become more available to ourselves and others.
Key Points:
- Mindful self-care is the antidote to overwhelm and burnout.
- Sitting with discomfort (instead of escaping or fighting it) leads to insight and healing.
- Compassion for self naturally expands outward—what we heal in ourselves shapes how we relate to family, friends, and strangers.
Working with Difficult Emotions
Rather than avoiding or suppressing negative feelings, Tulku urges a radical stance: meet anger, sadness, fear, and anxiety with caring attention. The book guides readers through understanding emotional triggers, learning from them, and responding with patience rather than judgment. This approach honors the intelligence embedded in every feeling.
Key Points:
- Emotions reveal our unmet needs, fears, and hopes.
- Judging ourselves for having difficult feelings prolongs suffering.
- By “sitting with” emotions as caring observers, we find clarity and the capacity to heal.
Caring in Daily Life: Relationships, Work, and the World
Tulku expands the scope of caring from the personal to the global. He explores how conscious caring transforms relationships—making us better listeners, more empathetic friends, and less likely to act from unconscious habit. At work, caring becomes an expression of excellence and purpose. Socially, caring calls us to respond to suffering (our own and others’) with wisdom, not just sentiment.
Key Points:
- Every interaction is an opportunity for caring presence.
- True caring dissolves boundaries of self and other.
- Societal healing arises from individuals cultivating caring awareness in their own lives.
Practical Exercise Example:
Pause before meetings or family gatherings. Briefly breathe and set an intention to respond from caring. Notice how the dynamic changes, even if only inwardly.
Caring as the Ground for Spiritual Progress
For those on a spiritual path, Tulku proposes that caring is not just part of practice—caring IS the practice. He draws connections between caring, meditation, and the unfolding of wisdom. Spiritual maturity is measured not by abstract knowledge, but by the capacity to respond gently, patiently, and wisely to one’s own mind and to the world.
Key Points:
- Meditation is deepened by an attitude of caring.
- Advanced practice is not about escape from the world, but deeper engagement with it through compassion.
- Egolessness isn’t denial of self, but the transformation of self-centeredness into caring responsiveness.
Overcoming Barriers: Releasing Judgment, Guilt, and Habit
Tulku identifies key barriers to caring—self-judgment, perfectionism, guilt, and the force of old habits. He provides exercises and reflections that help loosen these tight places in the mind. The process is described not as instant change, but as a compassionate, ongoing “training of the heart.”
Key Points:
- Noticing judgment is the first step to letting it go.
- Guilt’s grip is softened by compassionate recognition rather than harsh discipline.
- All habits, even deeply ingrained ones, can be changed by patient caring attention.
Expanding the Field: Caring and the Interconnectedness of Life
The final parts of the book encourage readers to see caring as a collective force. Tulku suggests that as more people nurture inner caring, the greater world benefits: communities become more resilient, workplaces more humane, families more harmonious. Ultimately, caring is presented as the catalyst for both personal and societal awakening.
Key Points:
- Caring is not solitary; it’s the foundation of meaningful relationships and a compassionate society.
- Each act of caring—no matter how small—adds to the “field” of kindness the world needs.
- The development of caring is life-long and ever-expanding.
Book’s Practical Guidance: How to Cultivate Caring
Throughout “Caring,” Tarthang Tulku weaves in actionable exercises and invitations:
- Start with the body: Gentle breathing and physical relaxation as foundations for calm.
- Observe thoughts with kindness: Shift from criticism to curiosity.
- Journal about daily acts of caring: What did you do for yourself and others today?
- Mindful pauses: Before reacting, breathe and remember your intention to care.
- Expand outward: Practice random acts of kindness, small or large, as a daily discipline.
The integration of mindfulness, compassion, and practical exercises make the book useful for readers from all traditions—no Buddhist experience required.
What Message Does the Author Want to Convey?
Tarthang Tulku’s central message in “Caring (Understanding Self & Mind)” is both profound and practical: Genuine caring is the medicine that heals both self and society. Without caring, our lives become mechanical, hollow, or driven by restless striving. With caring, even ordinary activities—washing dishes, writing emails, meeting strangers—become sites of meaning and transformation.
The book insists:
- Caring is innate, but often covered by habit or distraction.
- Mindful caring leads to clarity, joy, and deeper spiritual insight.
- Real change is possible when we approach everything (self, thoughts, relationships, pain, society) with actively engaged care.
- You don’t have to be perfect. Compassion for your imperfections is the key to authentic growth.
- Collectively, an “attitude of caring” is the starting point for a more peaceful and just world.
Who Should Read This Book?
- Anyone wishing to deepen mindfulness, emotional balance, or well-being.
- Those interested in Buddhist philosophy but seeking an accessible, practical entry-point.
- Readers struggling with stress, judgment, or a sense of burnout.
- Anyone feeling the world is in need of more kindness—and wanting to start with themselves.
Conclusion: Why “Caring (Understanding Self & Mind)” Is Essential Reading
Tarthang Tulku’s “Caring” stands out as an antidote to the numbness, reactivity, and busyness of modern living. It’s a gentle yet powerful call to rediscover the basics: attention, kindness, and the understanding that each moment is an opportunity to care. Through self-understanding and by making caring a conscious practice, Tulku assures that peace, joy, and meaning are closer than we think.
By working through the book’s reflections, readers will find themselves less reactive, more connected to themselves and others, and better equipped to meet life’s challenges with grace and wisdom. In a world yearning for healing and depth, “Caring (Understanding Self & Mind)” is both a guidebook and a small revolution—beginning in the heart and radiating outward to touch the world.
FAQs
Q1: What is the main theme of “Caring (Understanding Self & Mind)”?
The main theme is learning to care for oneself and others through mindfulness, compassion, and awareness.
Q2: Is this book only for spiritual readers?
No, it is for anyone interested in emotional healing, self-care, and personal growth.
Q3: Does the book include practical exercises?
Yes, Tulku shares mindfulness and reflection practices for daily life.
Q4: How is this book different from other self-help books?
It blends Eastern spiritual wisdom with modern psychology, offering a holistic approach.
Q5: What is the biggest takeaway from the book?
That true caring begins with self-awareness and blossoms into compassion for the whole world.